Frot
Beyond the familiar, the world of human sexuality is incredibly diverse, offering a spectrum of intimate expressions. One such practice, known as frot, involves a specific kind of physical closeness that has sparked conversations about pleasure, intimacy, and health within the gay male community and beyond. What exactly is frot, and why has it become such a point of discussion? Frot is a non-penetrative sexual practice involving penis-to-penis rubbing, often valued for mutual genital stimulation and as a safer sex option. The term "frot" was popularized by gay activists advocating for alternatives to anal sex, leading to ongoing debates about what constitutes "real sex" and intimacy. While reducing the risk of HIV, frot can still transmit skin-to-skin STIs, and similar genital-genital rubbing behaviors are observed in other animal species.
AI Summary
Beyond the familiar, the world of human sexuality is incredibly diverse, offering a spectrum of intimate expressions. One such practice, known as frot, involves a specific kind of physical closeness that has sparked conversations about pleasure, intimacy, and health within the gay male community and beyond. What exactly is frot, and why has it become such a point of discussion?
- Frot is a non-penetrative sexual practice involving penis-to-penis rubbing, often valued for mutual genital stimulation and as a safer sex option.
- The term "frot" was popularized by gay activists advocating for alternatives to anal sex, leading to ongoing debates about what constitutes "real sex" and intimacy.
- While reducing the risk of HIV, frot can still transmit skin-to-skin STIs, and similar genital-genital rubbing behaviors are observed in other animal species.
Frot
The term "Frot," derived from the French word "frotter" meaning "to rub," describes a sexual practice primarily involving direct penis-to-penis contact. It's typically categorized as a form of non-penetrative sex, where partners rub their genitals together for mutual pleasure.
Concept and Origins
While the general concept of genital rubbing is ancient, the modern, specific definition of "frot" was notably popularized in the late 1990s by gay activist Bill Weintraub. He championed "frot" to mean exclusively "phallus-to-phallus sex," distinguishing it from the broader term "frottage," which can refer to any kind of erotic rubbing. Weintraub advocated for this precise definition as a form of "actual sex"—genital-genital contact.
This practice also goes by several other colorful and descriptive names. You might hear it referred to as "frictation," "sword-fighting"—a particularly evocative image—or even more colloquially as "Oxford style," "Princeton rub," and "Ivy League rub," hinting at its prevalence in certain social circles.
The Mechanics of Pleasure
So, what makes frot enjoyable for those who engage in it? The experience often hinges on the mutual, simultaneous stimulation of both partners' genitals. The rhythmic rubbing creates pleasurable friction, particularly against the highly sensitive frenulum nerve bundle located on the underside of each penis shaft, just below the urinary opening. This focused contact can lead to intense, shared sensations.
Health and Safer Sex
A significant benefit of frot is its status as a non-penetrative sexual act. This means it dramatically reduces the risk of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) that require direct contact between mucous membranes and bodily fluids like pre-ejaculate or semen. For instance, research indicates there is virtually no risk of HIV transmission through frot.
However, it's crucial to remember that frot can still transmit skin-to-skin STIs, such as Human Papillomavirus (HPV), which can cause genital warts, and pubic lice (colloquially known as crabs). These infections can be passed even when visible lesions aren't present, though vaccines are available for HPV.
Debates and Perspectives
The popularization of frot didn't happen in a vacuum; it emerged amidst a larger, often impassioned, debate within the gay male community. This discourse was significantly shaped by the HIV/AIDS epidemic and differing views on anal sex. Some frot advocates positioned it as a vital, safer alternative, challenging the long-standing perception of anal sex as the default or "vanilla" form of intimacy for gay men.
Some in the "pro-frotting" camp even suggested that if gay men could be persuaded to view anal sex as "kinky" or less respectable, rather than the standard, its popularity might decline—potentially leading to a reduction in HIV rates. This echoed earlier periods, like the 1950s and 60s, when men who preferred mutual masturbation or fellatio sometimes used disparaging slang for those who favored anal sex.
This discourse also fueled a broader debate about what truly constitutes "real sex" or the most sensual expression of intimacy. Frot proponents often argue that "two genitals coming together by mingling, caressing, sliding" offers a more mutual and inherently "equal" form of sexual connection, free from the perceived roles of "top" and "bottom" often associated with anal sex. They felt these roles could introduce an element of inequality.
Of course, these radical claims were met with strong counterarguments. Many gay men who prefer anal sex rejected the idea that it was inherently unequal or degrading. They viewed it as "their version of intercourse," a profound expression of intimacy, and a significant source of pleasure, often drawing parallels to the emotional significance that vaginal sex holds for heterosexual couples.
Indeed, for many men who have sex with men, anal sex is considered "vanilla"—a standard, even expected, part of their sexual repertoire. As sex therapist Jack Morin noted, some are drawn to its perceived "taboo" or "naughty" appeal, while others embrace the "flavor of dominance and submission," or simply find it intensely pleasurable in its own right.
In an effort to acknowledge and normalize the diversity of preferences, sexologist Joe Kort proposed the term "sides." This category encompasses gay men who are not interested in anal sex but prefer a range of other intimate acts—kissing, hugging, oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation, and, of course, frotting. Being a "side" is simply another valid sexual preference, akin to being a top, bottom, or versatile.
How Common Is It?
Frot isn't just a topic of debate; it's a practice engaged in by many. A 2011 survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, involving over 1,300 combinations of sexual acts among gay and bisexual men, found that "genital-genital contact" was a key component of the most common combination of acts, accounting for 16% of all encounters. This suggests frot is a significant part of many men's sexual lives.
Related Concepts
For a broader perspective, frot has an intriguing analogy in female sexual practices: tribadism. This involves vulva-to-vulva contact, where two women rub their genitals together for mutual stimulation. Both frot and tribadism highlight forms of intimate contact that are non-penetrative yet deeply pleasurable, reflecting a shared human capacity for diverse sexual expression.
Beyond Humans
The drive for genital-genital rubbing isn't unique to humans; it's also been observed in the animal kingdom! Among bonobos, known for their diverse and frequent sexual behaviors, male frottage often occurs. This can happen while hanging from tree limbs in what's termed "penis fencing," or even in positions similar to the "missionary position."
It's not just primates, either. Bull manatees have been observed engaging in genital-genital rubbing alongside "kissing" behaviors. Male bottlenose dolphins, similarly, practice penis-to-penis rubbing, often involving penetration of the genital slit or, less commonly, the anus. These observations highlight that diverse forms of homosexual behavior, including genital rubbing, are common across many mammal species.
Article
Frot
Two men rubbing their penises together
Frot or frotting (slang for frottage; from French frotter 'to rub') is a sexual practice that usually involves direct penis-to-penis contact. The term was popularized by gay male activists who disparaged or disliked the practice of anal sex, but has since spread in usage to others who may not share those attitudes. It can also be used as a type of foreplay.
Because it is not penetrative, frotting has the safe sex benefit of reducing the risk of transmitting HIV/AIDS; however, it still carries the risk of skin-to-skin sexually transmitted infections, such as HPV and pubic lice (crabs), both of which can be transmitted even when lesions are not visible.
It is analogous to tribadism, which is vulva-to-vulva contact.
Concept and etymology
Frot
Mughal art depicting two frotting men
The modern definition of frotting emerged in a context of a debate about the status of anal sex within the gay male community; some in the anti-anal, pro-frotting camp insist that anal sex ought to be avoided altogether. One view argued that the popularity of anal sex would decline, presumably with a corresponding drop in HIV rates, if gay men could somehow be persuaded to stop thinking of anal sex as a "vanilla" practice, but rather as something "kinky" and not-quite-respectable—as was the case in the 1950s and 1960s, when gay men who preferred to do only mutual masturbation and fellatio sometimes used the disparaging slang term brownie queen for aficionados of anal sex.
Gay activist Bill Weintraub began to heavily promote and recommend the genital-specific meaning of "penis-to-penis rubbing" as frotting on Internet forums sometime in the late 1990s, and said he coined the term. "I don't use the word 'frottage,' because it is an ersatz French word which can indicate any sort of erotic rubbing," he stated. "Frot, by contrast, is always phallus-to-phallus sex." Weintraub believes that is what actual sex is; genital-genital contact.
Alternative terms for frotting include frictation, which can refer to the wider meaning of frottage but also penis-penis sex specifically, as well as sword-fighting, Oxford style, Princeton rub, and Ivy League rub.
Sexual practices
General
Frotting can be enjoyable because it mutually and simultaneously stimulates the genitals of both partners as it tends to produce pleasurable friction against the frenulum nerve bundle on the underside of each partner's penile shaft, just below the urinary opening (meatus) of the penis head (glans penis).
Safer sex
Since frotting is a non-penetrative sex act, the risk of passing a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that requires direct contact between the mucous membranes and pre-ejaculate or semen is reduced. HIV is among the infections that require such direct contact, and research indicates that there is no risk of HIV transmission via frotting. However, frotting can still transmit other sexually transmitted infections, such as HPV (which can cause genital warts) and pubic lice (crabs). Vaccines are available against HPV.
Comparison with anal sex and debates
Some gay men, or men who have sex with men (MSM) in general, prefer to engage in frotting or other forms of mutual masturbation because they find it more pleasurable or more affectionate than anal sex, to preserve technical virginity, or as safe sex alternatives to anal penetration. This preference has led to some debate in the gay male and MSM community regarding what constitutes "real sex" or the most sensual expression of sexual intimacy. Some frotting advocates consider "two genitals coming together by mingling, caressing, sliding" and rubbing to be sex more than other forms of male sexual activity. Other men who have sex with men associate male masculinity with the sexual positions of "tops" and "bottoms" during anal sex.
During anal sex, the insertive partner may be referred to as the top or active partner. The one being penetrated may be referred to as the bottom or passive partner. Those with no strong preference for either are referred to as versatile. Some frotting advocates insist that such roles introduce inequality during sexual intimacy, and that frotting is "equal" because of mutual genital-genital stimulation. The lack of mutual genital stimulation and role asymmetry has led other frotting advocates to denounce anal sex as degrading to the receptive partner. This view of dominance and inequality associated with sex roles is disputed by researchers who state that it is not clear that specific sexual acts are necessarily indicative of general patterns of masculinity or dominance in a gay male relationship, and that, for both partners, anal intercourse can be associated with being masculine. Additionally, some frotting advocates, such as Bill Weintraub, are concerned with diseases that may be acquired through anal sex. In a 2005 article in The Advocate, one anal sex opponent said that no longer showing anal sex as erotic would help avoid HIV/AIDS, and opined that some gay men perceived him to be anti-gay when he was only trying to keep gay and bisexual men alive and healthy.
Gay men, and MSM in general, who prefer anal sex may view it as "[their] version of intercourse" and as "the natural apex of sex, a wonderful expression of intimacy, and a great source of pleasure." Psychologist Walt Odets said, "I think that anal sex has for gay men the same emotional significance that vaginal sex has for heterosexuals." Anal sex is generally viewed as vanilla sex among MSM, and is often thought to be expected, even by MSM who do not prefer the act. "Some people like [anal] because it seems taboo or naughty," stated author and sex therapist Jack Morin. "Some people like the flavor of dominance and submission... some don't."
MSM who defend the essential validity of anal sex have rejected claims made by radical frotting advocates. Others have at times disparaged frottage as a makeshift, second-rate form of male/male intimacy—something better left to inexperienced teenagers and "closeted" older men. Odets said, "No one would propose that we initiate a public health measure by de-eroticizing vaginal sex. It would sound like a ridiculous idea. It's no less ridiculous for gay men."
HuffPost contributor and sexologist Joe Kort proposed the term side for gay men who are not interested in anal sex and instead prefer "to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other," viewing "sides" as simply another gay male sexual preference akin to being a top, bottom or versatile, and adding that "Whether a man enjoys anal sex or not is no reflection on his sexual orientation, and if he's gay, it doesn't define whether or not he's 'really' having sex."
Prevalence
Frot
A 2011 survey of gay and bisexual men by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that out of over 1,300 different combinations of sexual acts practiced, the most common, at 16% of all encounters, was "holding their partner romantically, kissing partner on mouth, solo-masturbation, masturbating partner, masturbation by partner, and genital–genital contact."
Among other animals
Frot
Genital–genital rubbing has been observed between males of other animals as well. Among bonobos, frottage frequently occurs when two males hang from a tree limb and engage in penis fencing; it also occurs while two males are in the missionary position.
Genital rubbing similar to frotting between non-primate males has been observed among bull manatees, in conjunction with "kissing". When engaging in genital–genital rubbing, male bottlenose dolphins often penetrate the genital slit or, less commonly, the anus. Penis-to-penis rubbing is also common among homosexually active mammals.